I recently finished Mindy's book and loved it even more than her first book. She writes honestly and with a sense of humor. I admire that about her.

One of the things she discussed was confidence. She didn't give the usual advice you hear everywhere. It wasn't superficial. She said, "confidence is like respect, you have to earn it." How great it that? It's refreshing to hear because it is not often that we hear of hard work. She worked hard. She put in the long hours. She worked on her craft. She earned that confidence.

And of course I've heard it before.
Picasso: Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.
Henri Cartier Bresson: Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.

But I never thought much of it in regards to confidence.

When I was younger I was a lot more confident and that is probably because I didn't base my confidence on my looks (my appearance was the last thing on my mind) or material processions and also because I put effort and work into most things I did. I was least confident when I wasn't prepared.

My 20s were definitely the roller coaster of confidence. My appearance somehow shot up to the top of what I based it on. And when it wasn't based on my looks it was based on wanting/acquiring material things. I can't go back in time to change that but I can opt to become who I'd like to be. I don't want to be known for my looks. I want to be known for my work, my contribution, my brain. It's much too easy to slip away from that when there are images all around me telling me quite the opposite. I just have to remember that feeling, the feeling of peace, when I am true to myself. Maybe I won't fit in as well as I have in the past but that's the risk. Do I want to blend in or do I want to be authentic and stand out? My introverted/people-pleaser self wants nothing more than to quietly blend in but then it'd be a waste of potential.

Like a Monday..

Here I am, avoiding writing, as per usual. If I were honest I'm avoiding a lot of other things too but mostly writing. Weeks have gone by and the only post I've written lays unpublished-where it will likely remain. Daily life as well as enjoyable experiences have happened but I don't quite feel like writing about any of it. I'd rather write about my own introspection but I won't do that either. Instead I'll leave off here and dive into Mindy Kaling's Why Not Me? Because why not me?

Keep on..

I'm currently at home, doubled over with cramps, and with plenty of time to think. I tend to get myself stuck in ruts. I like routine. I like to know what is going to happen. (I will constantly harass you to tell me the ending of the movie as we watch it if you've seen it before-my husband knows this all too well). So because of my love of knowing what is to be expected, I get myself stuck. I know that I have gotten way too comfortable with this "summer vacation" thing. It is time to get a job. I kept making up excuses to myself but it is time to face the truth. I do best when I am given a challenge to excel at. Sitting at home and binging on television is hardly an appropriate challenge. I have discovered quite a few quality shows that had previously escaped me but it isn't going to pay the bills. The truth is, it's scary. Going back to school only made me a little bit nervous because I had been taking classes on and off before I signed up full time. Writing up a resume, a cover letter (which I have never done before), interviewing, and starting at a new place can feel pretty terrifying. For years, I worked at the same company. It was not my passion but I was good at it. I was dedicated. I thrived at coming up with solutions and proving my worth. I guess now it is time I put the dedication into something unfamiliar. It is exciting and slightly intimidating to try to begin anew.

Today I woke up slightly hopeful for a good day and then around 11 my cat threw up a hairball in bed. The worst is when you know it is coming and are powerless to stop it as for some reason cats enjoy making a mess primarily in highly inconvenient places. I did my best to throw a towel down but it was too late. I now sit on a bare mattress, after furiously scrubbing, waiting for the sheets that are currently in the wash. The aforementioned cat? She is happily wagging her little tail and I can't even be mad at her.

While I wait for the wash, I thought I'd look up some costume ideas for Halloween. I know it is over a month away but I'm excited to start celebrating my favorite time of the year. I love the fall and winter months. It includes lots of family, friends, traditions (old and new), decorations, warm meals, long hours in the kitchen and on the couch together. This Halloween lands on Saturday. I have thought up a few ideas, including some super heroes, but ultimately I keep coming back to those women in the late 1600s who were accused of being witches. I am glad to see that more women are empowering themselves and each other nowadays. I'd like to dress up as one of those women from the 17th century. Witch doesn't have to have a negative connotation to it. It can simply mean someone who is empowering themselves to lead their best life.

Wow, I didn't realize that the whole weekend went by without me writing another post. It was a blur of good food, scary movies, and wine.

It's Tuesday now. I've been up since 5. The weather continues to be unbearably hot for September but at least we got some rain today. It has been raining pretty steadily all morning. It made the fresh batch of hot coffee all the more appealing. A big pile of laundry sits, waiting to be folded. I sit, waiting for the coffee to kick in.

Quitter

Why is it so hard to stick to something? I am not even going to attempt to write up an extra post for yesterday. It's been a miserably hot week where all I want to do is lay in bed watching Netflix. I was actually pretty proud of myself for cooking dinner. I didn't just chop up veggies, I actually turned the oven on to bake some zucchini and corn and used the stove to make Mexican rice. On a day where it is 90+ degrees, that is a miraculous feat. I also made a vegan caesar salad with the dressing from scratch but that was easy since it offered up plenty of times to stick my head in the cool fridge.

It is now Friday and I am forcing myself to not quit on my writing/photography goal. Sometimes it feels like George just gets me.

Summer Rain

For a brief moment this early evening, we got a little thunder and some rain. It felt so good to open up all the windows and feel the air instantly start to cool off a few degrees. With the overcast sky, it looked like fall had come early but the temperature begged to differ.