31

31 and mercury is in retrograde. It has felt just like that kind of week. My emotions are everywhere so I am spending my day off in bed re-watching Gilmore Girls for the hundredth time. I have a ton to do this week and will be working all of the upcoming weekend thus I am avoiding all of it. I am a great avoider/procrastinator.

I did, however, have a great birthday. I spent it just like I wanted, in Joshua Tree. I wasn't sure what to expect but it was better than what I had pictured. None of us had been before so we stopped at the visitor center, grabbed a map, and headed out to Keys View first. That's where the bottom picture was taken. From there we drove in the direction of Jumbo Rocks/Skull Rock. I would say "we" climbed rocks but honestly I am such a klutz that I avoided most climbing except for when we found a spot to take a snack/drink break. At the end of the night we pulled over at Indian Cove to look at the stars but were freezing so we didn't stay for long.  I can't wait to go back and hopefully camp overnight next time.

It's days like that that I am constantly wanderlusting about.

It's almost my birthday eve. Last year had the expectation of being "big"/"important" as I was turning 30. But this year I have the pleasure of turning 31. I am very much looking forward to it. I love being in my 30s. It feels good. I feel good. I have never felt more like myself. (Well except for when I was 17-but I am getting back to that).

This year, on my 31st birthday, I plan to drive to Joshua Tree. I've never been but have heard great things. Last year I drove to Big Sur and it was such a great experience that I want to keep it going. It is my wish to try something new each year. I still desperately want to go to the grand canyon but for now Joshua Tree will do. I love being somewhere I have never been before. I love being surprised. I love having a new perspective.

I have to work most of Sunday so I'll enjoy tomorrow, explore Saturday, and get back to reality Sunday.

Dreams have been a big discussion these last few days so I thought I better start now. I've always wished I could have artistic qualities as both my brothers are extremely talented. It must have skipped me, the middle child. I do enjoy writing so I'll focus on that, here.

While there is hopefulness in this post, there is also sadness on my mind. My grandma hasn't been doing so well. Almost two years ago I wrote about my grandpa's passing. And my grandma is a tough, stubborn woman. I love that about her but it also sucks when she is being stubborn about her meds and food/fluids. So I am here praying and hoping she gets better. And I can only imagine how tough it must be for her.

Yes, 31 will be a growing year, as all the years are. Love, adventure, and the unknown, it's all in there. No matter what, I will never stop being vulnerable. I will never stop loving. I will never stop being myself.

On a separate note, it is completely hard not to cringe reading back some of my older posts. I am my own worst critic and really want to hit delete or at the very least edit some of those older posts but I wont. They're bad and they'll stay that way. It's the ones where I am most honest that I feel good about. Like this entry I wrote about the struggle I had been going through. I'll let that be a lesson to myself. Being real is where my better writing lies.

And now it's 2016

December turned out to be filled with a whole bunch of new experiences.

I started working at a place which is the complete opposite of what I've been used to. And honestly, that's been great for me. It's what I needed. This past month, I also saw the new Star Wars movie, visited the Seinfeld apartment pop-up, finally got to try Burgerlords in Chinatown (which I've never been to either), was in book heaven at The Last Bookstore, and thoroughly enjoyed The Broad with my husband and my family. I definitely want to do that again.

And then, I ended 2015 doing something I never thought I'd get to do, watching Morrissey perform. He was as amazing as I thought he would be.

Thinking back, I'm realizing that 2015 was the year where I let go of familiarity. A lot of it was hard but I learned a lot. (Even how to take apart a washing machine). And now I'm looking forward new adventures and challenges all year long.

job search

Searching and applying for jobs non stop this week. I've been out of it for way too long. The last time I applied for a job was in 2008 and that was for a part-time position while I still had my full time job. The times have definitely changed. Cover letter is a whole new thing for me. The applying is stressful but the waiting to hear back can be even more so. How long does it usually take? Well if anything, this is good practice and now I've got an updated resume.

Travels

It's Sunday night. Well, technically it's Monday morning. I'm wide awake as usual, while my husband and cat sleep. I'm listening to Andra Day once again.

I started reading "French Milk" this afternoon and decide to knock off a few more pages while I waited for sleep to hit. In the midst of blindly reaching out for a bookmark, I came across an old note of mine. It was from a cafe in Prague. It was dated September 28, 2014.

It was from Cafe Louvre, on our trip, last year. And suddenly it all came rushing back. We were cold and wandering the streets. We were trying to figure out what to do with the rest of our night. There was a Lego store nearby. We ducked in, hoping to find a gift for my nephew. Instead we walked out with a frankenstein lego keychain. That's when I decided to do a random search of nearby places and Cafe Louvre popped up. It was a short walk away. We walked up a flight of stairs and wondered if we were underdressed. We were seated at a table and to my very cheerful surprise found a vegan option to go with my tea. My husband was all too excited to try their Turkish coffee.

We ordered. Afterwards as we waited for our bill, I noticed a some note paper and pencil. It was a perfect squared piece of paper with "Cafe Louvre" on the top. While we waited I quickly scribbled, "enjoyed a hot drink and dessert here tonight. Sunday, September 28, 2014. We leave to Brussels on Tuesday and Prague has been beautiful thus far."

I might have forgotten all about that night. But it is amazing how a quickly scrawled note can make such a difference. I can remember how I felt walking up those steps, the white and black color scheme, the salmon color standing out, the well dressed waiters, and the newspaper waiting to be read. I can remember all that and more. The sights and smells come back. I knew that someday I'd be looking back on that night and that that note would be a helpful reminder.

I may not be able to travel in real time but I can travel in time with mementos like these.

Quiet Nights

Oh the affinity for these late nights. I try and shield my husband from the dim, yellow light on the nightstand and the glow coming off the laptop. With soft volume, Spotify provides me with the soundtrack to my sleepless nights.

In my 20s I had somehow convinced myself that I was a morning person but the truth is that I love late nights. And I love sleeping in. I do, on occasion, enjoy seeing the sun rise and feeling like I am the only person who has freshly awoken at 5 in the morning. But for the most part, it's those late nights that really get me.